Privacy when you're leaving someone

First: is the device itself safe?

If your phone or laptop was bought, set up, or paid for by them, treat it as theirs until proven otherwise. Do this planning on a device they've never had access to — a friend's phone, a library computer, a cheap prepaid handset. Everything below assumes that.

The unpicking order

1. Email first, on a safe device. New password, 2FA on, then sign out all sessions. Every other reset flows through here. Check for forwarding rules and recovery addresses that aren't yours — a forwarding rule is the most common quiet monitor.
2. Check location sharing everywhere. Find My (iOS), Google Maps sharing, Life360, and the sharing settings in your carrier's family plan. Look at who, not just whether.
3. Look for AirTags and trackers. iPhone will alert you about an unknown AirTag; Android has Unknown tracker alerts, and Apple publishes a Tracker Detect app for Android. Physically check bags, coat linings, and the car — under seats, in the boot, in the wheel well.
4. The car. This one is missed constantly. The manufacturer's app can show live location and trip history to whoever's account it's linked to. Remove their account from the vehicle, and clear paired phones and saved addresses from the infotainment system.
5. Break the shared plans. Apple Family Sharing, Google Family, Amazon Household, streaming profiles, and the mobile phone plan. The account owner can often see purchases, app installs, and sometimes location — and can lock you out.
6. Photos and cloud. A shared photo library or album keeps syncing your new pictures to them. Check shared albums, shared drives, and shared notes.
7. Password manager. If you shared a vault, move to your own and change everything in it. Assume every credential in a shared vault is known.
8. Smart home. Doorbell cameras, indoor cameras, thermostats, and smart locks — remove their access, and check for a second account on the hub. Camera history can show when you come and go.
9. Financial. New account at a different bank if you can, and check for account alerts sent to their phone. Freeze your credit.
10. 2FA on their number. If any of your accounts sends codes to their phone or a shared landline, change it before you change anything else about that account.

Then the quieter leaks

• Shared calendars — an appointment reveals where you'll be and when.
• Fitness and running apps — public activity maps have your home as the start point. Set a privacy zone or make it private.
• Delivery and ride accounts — saved addresses and order history show where you are now.
• Loyalty and pharmacy accounts — receipts go somewhere.
• Photo metadata — a picture of your new place can carry GPS coordinates. See trackers & fingerprinting.
• Mutual friends' location tags — you can be found through someone else's post. Ask them not to tag you.

Documentation

If there's any chance of court, police, or a protective order: keep records, don't delete. Screenshot messages with timestamps, log incidents with dates, and store copies somewhere they can't reach — a friend's account or a printed folder. Deleting abusive messages feels better and costs you evidence.

Where to get real help

• The Hotline — US, 24/7, and they will safety-plan the technology part with you.
• Safety Net at NNEDV — the definitive resource on tech-facilitated abuse, including stalkerware.
• National Domestic Abuse Helpline — UK.
• Coalition Against Stalkerware — if you think monitoring software is installed on your device.

We are a checklist, not a support service. The organisations above have trained advocates; please use them.